Active Listening Skills for Peer Support
Sometimes the best help isn’t a solution, it’s a safe space. Learn how active listening can help peers feel seen, heard, and ready to open up after a critical incident.
Sometimes the best help isn’t a solution, it’s a safe space. Learn how active listening can help peers feel seen, heard, and ready to open up after a critical incident.
Ever been in a conversation where you could tell someone was struggling… but they weren’t saying much?
You don’t want to push, and you don’t want to say the wrong thing. So what do you do?
The answer is often simpler than we think, listen better.
In peer support, listening is everything. It’s the difference between someone shutting down or finally opening up. But most of us haven’t been taught how to listen well in high-stress, emotional conversations.
This episode gives you the practical skills to do just that. Whether you’re supporting someone after a traumatic call, or sitting with a coworker who’s barely holding it together, these tools will help you show up in a calm, helpful, and human way.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:
- What active listening is, and what it’s not
- How to use body language, tone, and simple cues to make people feel safe
- Four core skills to help peers open up (without advice-giving or oversharing)
Active listening isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. And it’s one of the most powerful things you can offer as a peer.
OTHER LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Connect with Bart
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bartleger
Facebook Page: facebook.com/survivingyourshift
Website: www.survivingyourshift.com
Want to find out how I can help you build a peer support program in your organization or provide training? Schedule a no-obligation call or Zoom meeting with me here.
Mentioned in this episode:
Houston Area CISM GRIN Training
This 3-day course, hosted by the Atascocita Fire Department, will teach you how to support your peers through effective communication, emotional resilience, and understanding the psychological impact of crises. Register for this training. https://stresscaredoc.com/atascocita-grin Dates: January 6-8, 2026 Times: 8:30 AM - 5:00 PM each day Location: Atascocita Fire Admin Building
Let's learn to thrive, not just survive!
00:00 - Untitled
00:22 - Active Listening Skills
00:42 - Show Intro
01:16 - Active Listening is an important skill
02:40 - What active listening is not
03:23 - Active listening is...
05:00 - Skill number 1 - Be Fully Present
05:40 - Skill number 2 - Listen to Understand
06:28 - Skill number 3 - Use Minimal Encouragers
07:52 - Skill number 4 - Reflect and Clarify
08:36 - What gets in the way of active listening?
09:30 - What do people really want when they're hurting
09:56 - Conclusion
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Sometimes, the best help is your ears. Especially when
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someone's just been through a critical incident and doesn't
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know where to start. In this episode, I'm going to teach you
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not just how to listen better, but how to listen so that you
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can understand what a person's going through. Then you can help
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them get back to functioning a whole lot
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Welcome to Surviving Your Shift, your go-to resource
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for building strong, peer support teams in high-stress
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professions. I'm your host, Bart Leger, board-certified in
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traumatic stress with over 25 years of experience supporting
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and training professionals in frontline and emergency roles.
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Whether you're looking to start a peer support team, learn new
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skills, or bring training to your organization, this show
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will equip you with practical tools to save lives and careers.
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Have you ever sat across from someone who clearly needs
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to talk, but they don't? They're just kind of staring past you,
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arms crossed, saying something like, I'm good, or I'm fine. And
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everything in you is saying, dude, I know you're not fine.
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You want to help, and you want to be supportive. But the truth
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is, it's not about having the right words all the time. It's
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about being the right kind of person they feel safe talking to.
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But
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How to keep them talking. That's where active listening comes in.
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It's not just shutting up and listening. My dog does that just
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fine. No, I'm talking about actively listening. And if
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you're doing peer support, it's probably your most important
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tool. Today, we're going to get super practical. I'm going to
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show you exactly what active listening looks like and doesn't
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look like, so that even if someone's shut down or
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overwhelmed and may be guarded, they'll feel safe enough to open
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up. Alright, let's get into it. Let's clear something up. Let's
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clear something up from the start.
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Like I just said, listening isn't just being quiet
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while the other person talks. Active listening means you're
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fully engaged in the conversation. You're not
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distracted. You're not distracted and you're not
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waiting to speak. And not what most of us usually do while
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someone else is talking. That's rehearsing your reply in your
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head. It's not finishing their sentences. And that's just rude.
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And it's not jumping in with a solution. We call that advice.
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And please don't make it about your own story. I've heard way
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too many war stories in the name of helping. In the Bob Newhart
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style of counseling, just stop it.
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If you want to actively listen, what it is, is paying
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attention to their tone of voice. Are they sad? Anxious? Angry? Or
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maybe afraid? You also need to pay attention to their body
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language. That alone can tell you so much. And then, listen to
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what's not being said. Say what? Yeah, that's right. Read between
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the lines. What are they shying away from? What should be
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obvious that they're not mentioning? All that stuff is
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important as well. Active listening is staying present
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instead of planning your response. And it's making the
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person feel heard. And that in itself will ease the way toward
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their recovery. Now, the question some might be asking,
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why does active listening matter so much in peer support? In
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everyday conversations, small talk works fine. But when
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someone's hurting or coming off of a difficult call, their brain
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might be in survival mode. Active listening helps lower
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their defenses so they'll be more inclined to talk to you.
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safety and encourages them to keep talking. We need to
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understand that people don't open up because you have the
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right answers. They open up because they feel understood.
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And that's the difference between talking at someone and
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simply being with them. Now, let's break it down into four
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skills that anyone can learn and use.
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The first one is, be fully present. This is the
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foundation. Put the phone down. Stop thinking about what's next
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on your to-do list. And by all means, don't look at your watch.
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Look them in the eye. But not like you are interrogating them.
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I want you to give them your full attention. Sometimes, that
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looks like leaning in slightly and nodding slowly and letting
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your face match the tone of the conversation. If they're
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grieving, you shouldn't be smiling and upbeat. And if
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they're angry, you shouldn't be flinching or pulling back. Just
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be there and stay there.
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Number two, listen to understand not to fix. This
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one's tough for most of us, especially if you're wired to
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help. But your role in peer support isn't to fix them.
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You're not their therapist and you don't need to be. So resist
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the urge to say things like, here's what I would do, or you
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probably should just, or at least it's not as bad as,
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instead, reflect back what you're hearing. Sounds like this
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really blindsided you. Or it makes sense that you'd feel
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angry. Or whatever it is that you're seeing. Or maybe
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something like, oh, that sounds really hard. Validation doesn't
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mean you agree with everything they say. It just means you
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recognize that their experience is real.
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And then use what we call minimal encouragers. Sometimes,
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all someone needs is a little prompt to keep talking. These
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are short, simple responses like, mm-hmm, I hear you, go on. Or it
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could be something as simple as a gentle nod. They might seem
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small, but these are really, really powerful. They show your
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tracking with them without hijacking the conversation. And
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avoid making big facial reactions or gasping unless it
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fits the moment. I had someone in my office a while back while
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I was still working. And they said they had gone to EAP. And
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they had stopped going because something that they said about
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what they had experienced, and this was a first responder, what
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they had experienced, and they said, I think I hurt that little
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therapist. And when they were talking about what they had gone
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through and their trauma experience, the therapist showed
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shock and horror. And they didn't want to hurt that
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therapist. And so they came to my office and they wanted me to
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begin helping them. You don't want to make them feel like
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they've shocked or overwhelmed you. for most of us, that
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shouldn't be a problem. Just keep it calm and listen to what
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they're saying.
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And then number four, reflect and clarify. This is
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where you help them know they're being heard accurately. You
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might say something like, let me make sure I get this right. What
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I hear you saying is, or so what's weighing on you most is,
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and then you fill in the blank, or can I ask, when you said
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blank, what did you mean? You're not twisting their words. You're
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literally just holding up a mirror and saying, this is what
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I hear. Is that what you meant? And if you get it wrong, just
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let them correct you. That back and forth will build trust.
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Those are the skills.
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But what gets in the way of listening? And let's be
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honest, we all have stuff that gets in the way. Maybe you're
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tired or distracted, or maybe eager to fix or move the
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conversation along so you can get back 10-8, or you can get
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back to whatever it is that you're doing. Or maybe what
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you're hearing them say has activated a similar experience,
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and it's difficult for you. So if you catch yourself zoning out
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or reacting emotionally, that's okay. Just take a breath,
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re-center, and then come back to being present. And if it's too
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much for you in the moment, say so. Something like, hey, I want
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to give you my full attention, but I'm a little tapped right
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now. Can we check in a little later? Or connect them with
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another peer supporter? That honesty is better than
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half-listening and faking your way through it.
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The next question is, what do people really want when
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they're hurting? They want to feel like they're not alone,
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they're not being judged, and And they want to feel like they
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can be real, they can be messy, and they can be honest, and
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you're still there. That's the power of active listening. It's
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not about the perfect response. It's about presence and patience
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and offering a safe place where healing can begin.
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If you're a peer supporter or just someone who
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wants to be a safe place for others, start practicing these
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skills today. Next time someone says, I'm fine, look past the
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words and show up, slow down, and just listen to them. And if
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your team hasn't had a real training in this kind of
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listening, we can help. Head over to StressCareDoc.com and
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schedule a discovery call. We'll help you build a team that
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actually knows how to support each other, even through the
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hard stuff. Thanks for joining me today on Surviving Your Shift.
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Remember, sometimes the best help really is your ears. In the
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next episode, we're going to talk about how to spot subtle
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signs that someone's struggling, even when they say they're fine.
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You won't want to miss that one. Until then, God bless, and have
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a great day.
