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Ever been in a moment where a coworker says, everything sucks and I'm not doing too good, and suddenly you feel your throat tighten? You want to help, but your mind goes blank. You're afraid of saying the wrong thing, and worse, you're afraid of making it worse.
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Sound familiar? That moment, the one where someone opens up and you're not sure what to do next, is where a lot of peer support falls apart. Not because we don't care, but because we haven't been taught what to say or how to say it. If you've ever been caught off guard in a tough conversation, if you've ever wondered how to keep it safe and supportive and actually helpful, today's episode's for you. We're going to walk through how to have those hard conversations without making it worse, using real-world communication skills that help you keep your cool when someone else is falling apart.
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Welcome to Surviving Your Shift, your go-to resource for building strong, peer support teams in high-stress professions. I'm your host, Bart Leger, board-certified in traumatic stress with over 25 years of experience supporting and training professionals in frontline and emergency roles.
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Whether you're looking to start a peer support team, learn new skills, or bring training to your organization, this show will equip you with practical tools to save lives and careers.
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Today, we're talking about something that stops a lot of good people from stepping up.
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That's hard conversations. You know the kind. Those rare moments when someone finally lets their guard down and says something like, I'm not okay, or I'm tired of pretending, and suddenly you're not sure what to say. Or worse, you're afraid you'll say the wrong thing and make it worse. If you've ever felt that way, you're not alone.
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As a matter of fact, I'd probably be more concerned if you didn't feel a little nervous when someone said that to you.
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Not everyone is a trained counselor. You're a peer, and peer support is about connection.
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It's not about being super polished or always having the perfect thing to say. But connection takes skill, and that's what we're going to help you build today. Let me start here. People don't need you to fix it. One of the biggest myths that trips us up is the idea that we have to solve something.
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My wife taught me this one. Most people aren't looking for a solution. They're looking for someone to simply listen to them.
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Someone to validate their pain, hear them out, and remind them they're not alone in it. So if you're listening to this and you've avoided hard conversations because you didn't have answers, well, that's okay.
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You don't always need answers.
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As a matter of fact, if you're too quick to offer a solution, you might shut them down. More than anything else, you need to be available and present. And that's pretty much it. It kind of takes the pressure off, doesn't it? Now, let me walk you through a simple approach you can use in almost any difficult situation. It's based on what I teach in my crisis intervention training, and it's the foundation of how peer supporters can safely and effectively walk with someone in distress without stepping into therapy or trying to be a clinician. Here's how it works.
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First, start by simply checking in. No heavy questions and no pressure. Something like, hey, I've noticed you seemed a little off lately. Just wanted to check in. How are you doing? This gives them room to talk or not talk without feeling cornered.
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It lets them know you've noticed and you care. A tone and body language matter. Stay calm and be genuinely curious. You know, not like asking, how's it going?
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And hoping they don't tell you.
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You're offering connection, not a glib, what's up? Then, hopefully, once they start to open up, even if it's just a little, your job is to listen. I mean, like, really listen. Let them talk and don't interrupt.
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Don't immediately jump to problem solving. And, please, don't feel silence with stories about yourself or stuff like, it'll be okay. Here's a phrase that works wonders. That sounds really tough. I'm glad you're talking to me about it. That one line validates what they're feeling and encourages them to keep going. And, honestly, being heard is half the battle. Now, as they're talking, you're listening for a few things.
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What's bothering them most right now? Are they just venting or are they feeling stuck? Is this a temporary crisis or is it something deeper? Now, you're not diagnosing, but what you're doing is you're assessing.
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You're listening for what's going on and figuring out what to do next. You're just helping them sort through what they're saying. And, sometimes, it helps to summarize what you've heard.
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You know, it sounds like work's been overwhelming. And, on top of that, things at home really feel tense. Is that right? Or, did I get that right? This gives them a chance to clarify. Or, they can go deeper if you didn't quite get it right. And, it shows that you're tracking with them. Then, you can offer them a gentle next step. This is where peer support can be really powerful. Once they've shared and you've helped them organize their thoughts a bit, you can offer something simple to help them take a small step forward.
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It might be, would it help to talk again in a few days? Or, if it rises to this level, something like, want me to sit with you while you call EAP or a chaplain? Or, can I help you think through what you need right now? Keep the focus on them making the next move. Not you taking over. And, if things are serious, if they bring up thoughts of suicide, hopelessness, or being done, you don't panic. You stay calm.
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Thank them for trusting you. And, then, help them get to the next level of care. You're the bridge, not necessarily the destination.
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And, then, here's the part most people forget. Follow up with them. A day or two later, shoot them a quick message. Just wanted to say, I've been thinking about you. No pressure to talk. Just here if you need me. And, that builds trust.
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That's what makes peer support real. One conversation doesn't fix everything, but, it might open the door. And, when people know you'll check back in, they're more likely to keep coming to you. Now, let's be real. These conversations won't always go perfectly. Sometimes, you'll say the wrong thing. I know I have. And, sometimes, people will shut down. Sometimes, you'll feel like you didn't help at all. But, here's the truth.
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Your willingness to lean in, and your presence, can change everything. You don't have to rescue everyone. You just have to show up and be there with them. That's what peer support is all about. That's how we help each other survive the shift.
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Now, before we wrap up, let me say this. If your department is just starting a peer support team, or trying to hone their peer-to-peer skills, this is the kind of thing that makes or breaks trust. When people feel heard, seen, and respected, they come back. And, that's the foundation of a healthy culture.
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If this episode helped you, please consider sharing it with a peer, or someone who might need this. And, if you're building a team, or want to strengthen the one you've got, let's talk. Head over to StressCareDoc.com to schedule a free discovery call. I'd love to help you build something that lasts. Come back next time, where we're going to be talking about how to set boundaries as a peer supporter. Helping others doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself. Until then, stay safe, and keep showing up.
