Supporting a Coworker Returning After Mental Health Leave or a Suicide Attempt
How do you support a coworker coming back after mental health leave or a suicide attempt without making it weird? This episode will give you practical language and steps to reduce stigma and welcome them back well.
How do you support a coworker coming back after mental health leave or a suicide attempt without making it weird? This episode will give you practical language and steps to reduce stigma and welcome them back well.
What do you say when a coworker returns after mental health leave or a suicide attempt—without making it awkward or piling on more stigma?
Many responders either avoid the person completely, crack the wrong joke, or pry for details, and the coworker ends up feeling like a problem instead of part of the team. In this episode, you’ll get clear, practical peer support skills to welcome them back, support their reintegration, and know when to step in or back off.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:
- Simple, respectful phrases you can use when a coworker returns after a suicide attempt or mental health crisis
- Common mistakes to avoid so you don’t increase shame, stigma, or workplace awkwardness
- How to support their safe reintegration at work while protecting your own boundaries as a peer supporter
Use this episode with your peer support team, your shift, or your leadership group to set a healthier standard for how your agency handles return-to-work after a mental health crisis.
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Welcome to Surviving Your Shift, your go-to resource
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for building strong, peer support teams in high-stress
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professions. I'm your host, Bart Leger, board-certified in
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traumatic stress with over 25 years of experience supporting
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and training professionals in frontline and emergency roles.
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Whether you're looking to start a peer support team, learn new
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skills, or bring training to your organization, this show
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will equip you with practical tools to save lives and careers.
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back. In this episode of Surviving Your Shift, we're
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going to walk through how to support a coworker who's coming
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back after a time off for mental health or a suicide attempt.
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We'll talk about what to say, what to avoid, how to help them
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reintegrate back into the team, and how to do it without adding
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stigma or awkwardness. By the end, you'll have simple, clear
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language you can use and a basic game plan for those first days
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and weeks back at work. I've watched this play out in
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different uniforms and different buildings over the years. In the
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Sheriff's Office, the Fire Service, in EMS, and in
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hospitals as well. The details may change, but the tension
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feels the same. So, you have a coworker who's been out for a
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suicide attempt. Everybody knows, even though nobody was supposed
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to know. We're bad at keeping secrets in this line of work,
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aren't we? They come back, and you can feel the air change when
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they walk into roll call. Some folks look at the floor. A
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couple of people do the awkward, hey man, good to see you, and
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then move on as fast as they can. A few people act like they'd
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just come back from vacation. No one is trying to be cruel. What
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it is, is they're scared. They're scared of saying the
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wrong thing, scared of bringing up pain, and honestly, scared of
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their own stuff that this situation stirs up. I've been
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the chaplain in those rooms. I've been the peer supporter
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sitting across from someone who just got out of a psych unit or
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finished an intensive program. I've also been the one who's
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dealt with my own stress load and had to figure out how to
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stay in the work without burning out or breaking. So, if you've
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ever thought, I don't know how to handle this, I don't want to
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screw it up, then you're not alone. That's exactly what we're
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going to be talking about. This is real peer support. Not just
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the tough calls and not just the fresh trauma. It's helping our
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people come back to the job after they've hit a wall. So,
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let's lay out a simple roadmap. I'm going to break this into a
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few parts. Your role as a peer supporter, what to do before
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they come back, what to say in those first contacts, how to
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support ongoing reintegration, what to avoid, and when to
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escalate or refer.
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First, a reminder. You are not their therapist. I know
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I've said that before. You're also not their detective. Your
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job is not to dig into every detail of their mental health
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history or the suicide attempt. Your job is to be a safe,
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respectable presence at work. Peer support in this situation
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is about three things. One, protecting their dignity. Number
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two, supporting their safe return to the job. And three,
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helping reduce stigma in the way you talk and act around them.
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And isn't that the whole point of everything that we do?
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Reducing the stigma of mental health issues. And it helps to
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keep a simple mindset. I'm here to walk with you, not work on
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you. If they want to open up, you listen. If they don't, you
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don't push. You're watching for signs they're struggling. And
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you're ready to connect them to more help if needed. But you
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don't force the issue.
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even walks back in the door. If you're a peer support
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team member or if you were in any leadership role, think about
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doing a little quiet prep work. This doesn't mean a formal
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briefing where you give out their medical history. I mean,
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you can't do that. But it's already common knowledge that
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they were off for mental health reasons, most likely. And you
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can at least address the culture. It might sound like, hey, listen,
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so-and-so is coming back on Monday. They've been dealing
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with some tough mental health stuff. And they're clear to
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return. Our job is to walk them back like we would any injured
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teammate and not make them feel like a project. You can also
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deal with gossip ahead of time. We're not going to sit around
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and dissect what happened. We're not going to joke about it. If
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they want to share, that's up to them. But we're going to treat
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them with respect. That short conversation, even if it's just
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in the hallway or at the kitchen table, helps cut down on the
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rumor mill. It reminds people that suicide attempts and mental
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health treatment are not jokes. They're serious health issues.
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And if you're not in leadership, you can still do this in some
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smaller ways. You can steer conversations away from gossip.
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You can shut down comments like, guess you couldn't handle it, or
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she just wanted attention. You don't have to give a big speech.
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A simple, hey, that's not helpful. Or we don't know what
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all they're dealing with can shift the tone.
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Now, let's talk about that first contact. This is
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where people often get stuck. The best approach is usually
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simple and genuine. You don't need a long speech. You don't
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need the perfect line. Something like, hey, it's good to see you
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back. Said in a calm, respectful tone is a great starting point.
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If you have a closer relationship with the person,
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you might add, I'm really glad you're back. If you ever feel
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like talking or just getting out of the building for coffee, I'm
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around. You're opening a door without forcing them through it.
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And if you're on the same crew, you can normalize their presence
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by including them like you always did. Hey, you're riding
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with me today? Or, you're still making the coffee? Said with
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warmth, not sarcasm. The message is, you still belong here. Now,
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what if you feel like you should say something about the suicide
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attempt or the inpatient stay? Ask yourself two questions. One,
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are you close enough to them that this would feel natural,
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not nosy? And then number two, have they signaled that they're
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open to talking about it? If yes, you could say something like,
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hey, I heard you had a rough time while you were off. I don't
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need the details, but I just want you to know I'm glad you're
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still here. That's acknowledgement without prying.
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If they respond with, yep, it was bad, but I don't want to
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talk about it, then respect it. You can say, fair enough, just
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know that if that changes, I'm around. Then move on to normal
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conversation.
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And there are some common phrases that come from good
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intentions, but aren't received well. We're going to talk about
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some things maybe you shouldn't be saying. Let me walk through a
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few. Avoid what happened as your first question. That can sound
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like you're asking for a story, not offering support. What it
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does is it puts pressure on them to perform their pain for you.
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Avoid, why would you do that? Or, what were you thinking? That can
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feel shaming and judgmental. They probably already have
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plenty of self-criticism running through their head. And also
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avoid, you've got so much to live for. Or, think of your
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family as a way of lecturing them out of suicidal thinking.
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When someone has been in that dark of a place, they already
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know they should feel grateful. Telling them that can make them
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feel guilty on top of being depressed. And be careful with
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jokes about crazy, nut house, or psych ward. And all the other
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slang we like to throw around. I know, dark humor is how we cope.
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But when someone's freshly back from a suicide attempt or a
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mental health stay, that kind of humor can land like a punch in
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the gut. Also, avoid grilling them about their treatment. I
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mean, what meds are you on? How long were you in? Did they seven,
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two hour you? Whatever words that you use, that might be
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interesting to you, but it's not supportive. If they want to give
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you those details, then they will.
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And let's just be honest. This is awkward. It's okay to
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admit it, at least to yourself. Sometimes, naming it in a gentle
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way actually helps. If you're close to the person, you might
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say, I'm probably going to stumble over my words here, but
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I just want you to know I care about you and I'm glad you're
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back. That kind of honesty, I think, feels real and feels
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human. What you don't want is total silence. When everyone
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avoids eye contact and avoids a topic, the message they receive
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is, you're a problem. You make us uncomfortable and you're
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separate from the group now. Even one or two people breaking
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that silence in a kind way, I think, will go a long way.
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Remember, you're not going to put the idea into their head by
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acknowledging that they went through a bad time or that
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you're glad they're still here. If they were off for surgery,
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you wouldn't walk around scared to mention it. We'd say, hey,
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how are you feeling? Or, good to have you back. Mental health
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deserves the same level of respect.
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Now, beyond the first day, your co-worker is going to have
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to fit back into the job. And that means going back to the
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field, back to the unit, back to the yard, back to the OR,
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wherever it is that you work. And if you were in a position to
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influence assignments, think about easing them back in. That
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might look like lighter duty for a while, pairing them with a
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calmer partner, or not sending them on the most high-risk calls
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that might reactivate them right away. This should be done in
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coordination, obviously, with your policies, HR, or any
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medical or psychological clearance, not just informally.
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And if you're a peer supporter without that kind of authority,
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then your role is more about the day-to-day support. Check in
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without hovering. And you can say stuff like, how's it feeling
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being back? That's a different question than, are you okay?
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What it does is, it opens the door to talk about the
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adjustment itself. And then, watch for signs that they're
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overwhelmed. Maybe they're zoning out in briefings, or
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snapping at people over small things. Or, suddenly,
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volunteering to take every tough call because they feel like
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they've got something to prove. You don't need to diagnose
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anything. Just notice what's going on. If you see that, you
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can say privately, hey, I've noticed these first couple of
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weeks back look pretty heavy. How are you holding up? Then
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listen. Don't rush to fix it. Then just let them talk.
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Sometimes, what they need most is permission to be human. To
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say, I'm tired, or I'm nervous on calls right now, without
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feeling like they're going to get fired on the spot. You can't
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promise them job security, but you can communicate you're not
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weak or struggling. You're just human.
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And when someone is returning after a suicide
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attempt, there's a little more gravity there, and we need to
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respect that. If you're trained in suicide prevention, like QPR,
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ASIST, or any other model, this is where those skills matter.
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You're not doing therapy, but you're allowed to care enough to
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ask clear questions if you're still worried about their safety,
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even after they come back. If, over time, you might see signs
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that they're still at risk, talking about feeling like a
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burden, or saying the world would be better off without them,
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giving away important items, or making comments about next time,
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you don't ignore that. You can say, I care about you, and I'm a
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little concerned by some of the stuff you've been saying. Are
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you having any thoughts about killing yourself again? I mean,
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that feels like a scary question to ask, but it's actually one of
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the most caring things you can do. And if they say yes, or if
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you're not convinced they're safe, this is where you move
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into referral and safety mode. Depending on your agency, that
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might mean helping them call a counselor, EAP, a chaplain, a
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crisis line, or it might mean contacting your supervisor or
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following your duty-to-war and safety policies. You don't
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promise to keep suicidal thoughts a secret. You can say,
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I'll keep your privacy as much as I can, but if I'm worried
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you're in danger, I may have to loop in someone who can keep you
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safe. And I'll do that with you, not behind your back, if at all
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possible. That's just being honest, and it respects your
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role and your limits.
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This kind of situation can really make it tough on you,
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and can really pull hard on you. You might feel yourself checking
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on them constantly, worrying about them off-duty, or feeling
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like you're the only one standing between them and
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another attempt. And that's not healthy for you, and it's not
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fair to you or them. What you need to do is set some internal
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boundaries. Remind yourself, I can be part of their support
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system, but I can't be the whole system. Encourage them to have
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professional help, family support, faith support, if
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that's part of their world, not just you. Then decide what you
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can reasonably offer. Maybe check in once or twice a shift,
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not every 15 minutes. Maybe you offer to grab coffee once a week,
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not to be on call for them 24-7, unless your role in your team
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structure does support that. Also, pay attention to what this
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stirs up in you. If you've lost someone to suicide, or if you've
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had your own dark times, their story may hit close to home. And
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that doesn't disqualify you from supporting them, but it does
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mean you need your own support. Talk to your own peer supporter,
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your chaplain, your counselor, or another trusted person. I
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don't want you to carry it alone.
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Remember, you're not just supporting the person returning.
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You're also helping shape how the rest of the crew handles
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this. If you hear people making offhand comments like, he or
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she's a liability now, she just wanted attention, then step in.
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You don't have to go to war, but you can redirect. You might say,
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look, he went through something serious, and he got help. That's
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what we say we want people to do. Or, we don't talk that way about
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someone who broke a leg. Let's not do it about mental health
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either. You can also give co-workers simple language if
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they're nervous. They might say to you, I don't know what to say
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to them. You can coach them. Keep it simple. Good to see you
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back is more powerful than you think. And you don't want to
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unpack everything. If someone clearly doesn't want to talk or
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engage, don't force them. Some folks are still working through
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their own beliefs about mental health and suicide. But don't
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let the loudest negative voice set the culture. You and a few
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others who choose respect can change the tone more than you
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think.
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You might be thinking, well, this is all great, but I'm
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not close to this person. I'm not close to the co-worker. We
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just share a hallway. Well, that's okay. You don't have to
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play the role of best friend. Your job is smaller, maybe, but
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still important. It's about basic human decency. You see
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them in the hallway. You can still look them in the eye and
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say, welcome back. You can still not stare at the floor like
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they're invisible. Sometimes the people who aren't inner circle
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might make a big impact. A quick glad you're here from someone
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they barely know can cut through some of that fear of being
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judged.
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It's possible they'll say, I'm fine. Or, I don't need peer
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support. Or, even, back off. Your job is not to force support
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on anyone. respect their choice, but don't disappear completely.
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You can respond with something like, got it, I'll give you
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space. If that ever changes, the door's open. Then go back to
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treating them as a normal member of the team. Sometimes people
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come around later. They see that you meant what you said. You
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didn't push. You didn't gossip about them. You just stayed
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there, ready for them. That builds trust. Here's what I'd
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like you to do with this. If you know someone who's currently out
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on mental health leave or you've heard about a co-worker suicide
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attempt, take a minute right now and think about how you want to
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show up when they come back. What's one simple sentence you
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can say that fits your relationship with him? Maybe
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it's good to see you back, or I'm glad you're here. Then, if
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you're on the peer support team or in leadership, bring this
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topic up in your next meeting or briefing. Ask, do we have any
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kind of plan for supporting people returning after mental
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health leave or suicide attempt? If the answer is no, then start
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building one. It doesn't have to be a big, giant policy. Even a
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short guideline about language, gossip, and basic expectations
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can make a big difference. And if this episode stirred up your
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own stuff, maybe you've had your own dark nights or you've lost
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someone to suicide, don't ignore that. Reach out to your own
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support, whether that's your peer support team, a chaplain, a
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counselor, or a trusted friend. You deserve support, too. Peer
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supporters are not meant to carry all of this alone. And if
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you found this helpful, share it with another peer supporter,
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supervisor, or a team member who might be facing this exact
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situation. The more we talk about this in a clear, practical
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way, the less stigma our co-workers face when they come
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back. Thanks for spending this time with me on Surviving Your
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Shift. Today, we talked about how to support a co-worker who's
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returning after time off for mental health or suicide attempt,
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what to say, what to avoid, and how to help them ease back into
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the job without adding more stigma or awkwardness. Remember,
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you don't have to be perfect. You just have to be present,
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respectful, and willing to learn. Your words and your attitude
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really can make a difference between someone feeling like a
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problem and someone feeling like a valued member of the team
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who's working their way back. I'm glad you're doing this work.
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Take care of yourself. Take care of your crew. And thanks for
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listening to Surviving Your Shift. Until next time, God
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bless and have a great day.
